Cynical and Twisted Together
by KissMyBass
Summary: He is so screwed. But whatever, he's used to it by now. The crazy ones. C/G C/B Oneshot.


**Cynical and Twisted Together**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl. Or else Chuck would be half dressed ALL the time. I like him that way. Ahem.**

**WARNING: SPOILERS FOR 2.07.**

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"Have sex with me?"

"What?" He gasps at her, surprise and horrified confusion emanating from his features.

"You heard me." She tells him sharply.

"Wrong, I hope. What did you say?"

He's still in shock at her out-of-the-blue question.

"Fuck me."

She's not very helpful and he's even more flustered.

"No!" He automatically replies, tossing her a dark glance when she laughs at his reaction.

"I heard you got to third base already."

She comments, now blasé. He calms down immediately at the mention of his experience rap sheet. He's proud of it so he shrugs, fake modesty shining through.

"Yeah, ages ago."

"Impressive." She bats her lashes at him and he eyes her heavily lined orbs skeptically.

"All you need is a home run. I'm available. At your service."

She shoots him a sly smile and he looks taken aback with her obvious flirtation.

"What are you, some kind of Lolita?"

She breathes out, trying to contain her frustration.

"Maybe. What, are you scared?"

He bristles, chest puffing out slightly in indignation.

"No, I just don't want to go there yet."

"Why not?" She demands,

"It's only a little bit farther. In fact, I can't believe you're still a virgin."

"Your virginity is special."

He defends; he hates to sound bad in front of ladies, even if it's only her.

She lets out a snort mixed with a harsh laugh and rolls her eyes dramatically. He looks at her curiously, wondering why it was so amusing.

"Says who?"

"Blair." He responds quickly, answer ready.

"That crazy bitch? Why are you even listening to her?"

She snorts again, turning up the intensity of her glare and he blanches.

"You used to like her." He reminds her passively.

"Used being the key word."

She tells him flippantly, tossing her brown hair over her shoulder. It looks soft and shiny and he wants to touch it. He's always like her hair, it resembles Blair's chestnut locks. Not that he _likes_ Blair or anything.

Not at all.

"So back to the point. I want sex!"

"No." He tells her firmly. "I want to do it with someone I at least like."

She scoffs as if the notion is ridiculous.

"And who will that be? Nathaniel?"

She smirks and he has no response. She sees that, taking it as a sign that she should continue.

"You and me. We're the exact same, don't deny it. No one likes us and we like no one. It won't change."

He's still silent, absorbing her words and seeing the truth in them. It disgusts him. So she tells herself that he won't resist if she kisses him.

So she does. And she's wrong.

He pushes her away, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand contemptuously. She snickers even though she's not happy.

"I said no!" He spits at her.

"Come on, Chuckles, I never took you as the denial type. The word, like isn't in the plan for you or me. You might as well get sex over with. Fuck me. You'll like it."

He pauses, uncertainty and disdain at her confidence on his face and on his body. She's unshakeable and she steps closer to him again, reaching one hand up to touch his face, personal space be damned.

"I swear, I'll make it worth it." She whispers huskily. "I swear."

Her voice is so low that he can barely hear it. She kisses him and he kisses back, no rejection this time.

She taints his innocence because even though he's more advanced than the others, he's still an innocent. And she hates that, because she wants him and she doesn't believe that he belongs there. He's too easily swayed.

When they're done, he quickly dresses and stomps away in disgust.

"Crazy bitch." He mutters to himself.

Society agrees.

--

"Seduce Vanessa." She commands.

"What?" He raises his eyebrows in shock. "You usually don't like to share."

She scowls at him, annoyance etched into her beautiful features.

"I need you to. My bitchiness needs you to. So just do it." She adds as an afterthought. "Please."

His eyebrows rise higher but he doesn't ask questions that he knows won't be answered.

"Why would I? Give me a good reason."

He turns the table on her and winces when he remembers how this turned out last time.

Bad idea.

She doesn't blink, doesn't pause, to consider his question. She knows him so well, she's expected this question.

She steps closer, slipping a hand onto his waist. His breath hitches.

Jesus.

"I'll make it worth it."

She brushes her lips against him, eyes half shut. He closes his eyes too in anticipation.

She takes his breath away, really.

And then she's gone.

His fists clench and she's only a few feet away from him, tone businesslike as if this was nothing more.

"Deal or no deal, Bass?"

He swallows the lump in his throat, gulping down air to clear his mind.

"Fine." He growls, his voice weaker then he wants it to be.

"I'll do it. This should be fun." He doesn't take his eyes off her.

"It should be." She dips her head in agreement. "Happy hunting, Chuckles."

She's a mirror of Kathryn from his favorite movie even though Annette annoyed the shit out of him and should have died while Sebastian and Kathryn fucked. And maybe fallen in love. And had babies that could rule the world.

He groans. Oh, fuck.

Why does he always go along with the crazy bitches?

Better yet, why did he have to fall for one?

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**So how was that for my first story? Review and let me know!**


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